Everything I feel inside is summarised...

...in this simple piece of literature, written by someone as insecure and as vulnerable as I am.

Numbed, by my own doings and fears.

I just wish I knew what I'm doing in this life, I just need to find someone who'll guide me along, encourage me and always be there when need be.

I need someone who tells me to go for it, regardless of what crazy ideas I have, someone who'll be at the finishing line, cheering me on, someone who will never say "I told you so", when I screw up, even though he knew it wouldn't work in the beginning, someone who'll study me carefully and quietly, only with his eyes, not needing to say how he feels because whatever they are, it exudes from his every pore, his every action, when he's around or away from me, someone who'll wipe my snot, kiss my tears, hug me when I'm happy, sad, angry, all the time because he knows how much I love to be held, someone who'll take my hand and lace his fingers through mine the very moment he sees me because he's so damn grateful to have me and he sees some sort of beauty in me, something that I can never see with my own eyes, someone who's proud of me and wants to share his pride with his family and friends, the whole world...

I think that's enough venting,  for now.

 I shall shut up, plug in some Bruno Mars and cuddle up in bed and ponder why I'm feeling this way.

Lists.

Yeah, just like that time many years ago, where I had a "list" of things my future boyfriend wouldn't be.
Number 1 & 2 on my list were:

1) NEVER fall for a Chinese boy
2) NEVER find a boyfriend in poly, cos they'd be off to NS and you'd suffer from seperation anxiety

And look what happened:

1) I fell for a Chinese boy
2) I fell in the 2nd semester of my FIRST year in poly (approx 6 months into poly) AND I did suffer from seperation anxiety, sleepless nights.... you name it, I had it.

Goes to show, you can only plan but when things are meant to happen, they sweep you off your feet with no prior warning.

Screw it with lists,  just go with the wind.

Okayyyy, last one.

On an Artic Monkeys late night binge.

Why hello, sexy lads.

New rules to live by.

You.

Even as I'm overwhelmed with work in the office, thoughts of you fill my mind and I can't help but to just smile, believe and have trust. And its times like this where I find myself longing for nothing more than to breathe in your familiar scent and feel your warmth, the very things that provide me with the greatest comfort in the world.

The ups and downs, they're part and parcel of this journey. Tears that flowed, laughter that bounced off the walls and the things we've shared, only we know what they meant.

I wanna quit being negative and enjoy what we have, milk our time together for what its worth. I don't wanna regret anything, anymore.

I wanna grow old with you and enjoy our time together.

I wanna keep growing alongside you - since when we were 17 year old classmates to when you're a white haired, singlet wearing apek and I'm a tudung wearing, baju kurung clad makcik (with a clutch clamped tight under my right armpit).

I wanna grow old with you, lace our wrinkly hands together and whisper into your ear 50 years from now that, "We made it."

Its you or no one else for me.

If its in God's will.

I can only pray that you feel the same way about me too.

"The head said

... before you give up, think of the reason you held on for so long."

And on a totally random note, my head also says that I could use a fab slab of chocolate cake (preferably from Awfully Chocolate), a nice FULL body massage (in a room with lit up vanilla scented candles) and topped off with reaaaaaaaaaal cute, round owl (a plushie, since I can't deal with the real thing - will probably make it send letters back and forth ala Hedwig in Harry Potter).

But hey, we can't always get what we want.
C'est la vie.

Trust

...is like an eraser.
It gets smaller with every mistake.

You have no idea...

No idea of what I feel about you.
Of how much I care about you.
Of how much I think you're amazing and handsome.
Of what I think we could become.
Of how much you make me happy and sad at the same time.
Of how much you make me so alive.
Of the butterfly riot that takes place in my stomach when you talk to me.
Of how much you make me worry and scared.

You have no idea.

KONY 2012

Kony 2012 is a film and campaign by Invisible Children that aims to make Joseph Kony famous, not to celebrate him, but to raise support for his arrest and set a precedent for international justice.

Please stay and watch.

Sights and sounds from Life.

Life, not cruising as smoothly as I'd like it too but it goes on.

Tough times don't last, tough people do.

Sights and sounds from the Heart.

If you ever leave me, baby, leave some morphin at my door. Cos it will take a whole lot of medication to realise what we used to have, we don't have it anymore.

Tuhan tolong lembutkan hati dia
Untuk terima ku seadanya
Kerna ku tak sanggup
Kerna ku tak mampu
Hidup tanpa dia di sisi ku

Pretty much sums up what I feel right now.

Kusebut namamu disetiap doaku.
Bangkitkan setiap kenangan tentangmu.

Sights and sounds from the Office

"Its the most wonderful time of the year."

With you, I'm at ease, I'm calmer, I'm secure.
I feel comforted at the thought that there's you, whenever I need anything - be it a second opinion on what to wear to when I need you to tell me that everything's gonna be alright.

I feel so grateful that God sent you my way and that, even though you're not born Muslim, I find myself wanting to be closer to Him, partly because of you.

At the end of the day, even if this union was not meant to last in the future, I will never forget how you've helped me, how you've become such a significant part of my life, my being.

You're my better half and I've never been happier.
And I'd do all I can to make this work out because I can't see me without you.

Je t'aime.

Sights and sounds from my 23rd

I turned 23 on the 26/10.

Since Deepavali fell on that date as well, I had the privilege to celebrate it with my H.
Just like every year, he came to my place, armed with cake and a lit up candle ♥
And just like every year, he spoils me with presents (-_-")
Thank you for the all expenses paid day, the beeeeeeeeeauuuutiful Steve Madden and for all the other presents that I'm enjoying as we speak, love.

Mum and Dad got me my first ever train case (I'm still quite obsessed with the idea that I even own one)! They definitely know their daughter.

The brother and girlfriend got me a huge bottle of Lovestruck by Vera Wang. I adore the scent and am in love with its gorgeous tulips and tulled covered cap.
Too pretty for words!

Thank you all for the well wishes, prayers and everything else under the sun!
I'm so blessed.

Sights and sounds from Rain's 23rd

Rain turned 23 on the 1st of October.

I sincerely hope you liked the presents I chose for you.

I can't imagine life without you harping on/annoying/entertaining me on a daily basis.
Thanks for the joy and colours you bring.

Sights and sounds from the Passing Out Parade

Can you see the pride and joy in my father's eyes?
My not-so-little brother has finally POP-ed.