Ruby x Kaiser Chiefs

I'm starting to realise that the way I love changes as I get older...

As a kid, I loved with all my heart... love was pure.
It was my "Kindergarten love"....
You know, the kind of love where you don't have to be anyone else but yourself, when you trust whole heartedly and you didn't ask for/expect anything in return.
That person who came along and willingly shared that box of crayon was my first best friend -if a girl, my first crush - if a boy.
It's was simple, if not really logical...

As a young teen, I trusted people with all my heart AND soul.
It was my "Friends came before family, family came before self love"
I gave my friends and loved ones my all.
It was a “My best friend is never in the wrong” kinda phase.
I pledged my whole hearted loyalty to the ones I held dear.

Once school was out and everyone went their separate ways, keeping the love posed a challenge.
I won't say that some of it wasn't due to my doings.
I was always busy, I came up with excuses at times... I didn't think they'd understand what the real situation was.

I long for the days when we'll get caught by Mrs. Danapal for wearing ankle socks with out Sleeze/ North Star/Umbro skate sneakers, for the times when the class won't wanna pay up the $1 for the very important notes for the 'O' Levels and labeled me "Miss Monitress Loanshark", for days when we'll lie down at the basketball court and stare at the blue, blue skies when Mr. Andrew Yeo took our class for Physical Education and when we headed to eat in a group of 13-16 at the nearby Banquet...

Also, how can I forget our "Minah/Mat" phase when the boys got their pants tapered, the girls went ahead with DIY piercings of our tongues and noses (the pain!) and when everything ended with a "Seh, Siak, Sial, Siol, Tau takpe". *laughs*
Stupid and silly as it was, it's certainly a phase I won't forget.

Its not easy to maintain a friendship.
I've learnt from the years that had passed that it took LOADSA effort and willpower.
You can say it can be likened to a toil of blood sweat and tears with a healthy dose of humour and love.
The result?
Totally worth it.

The ones who are still with you, you treasure like gold.

As for right now, I don't love as freely as I would like to.
I've become wary and judgmental.
I haven't got a label for it yet... don't think I ever will.
I find it near impossible to allow new good friends into my life.
Especially with the ones who get too chummy with me on first meet.
I tend to get suspicious of their intentions.
It became like a “what do they want from me” thing.

But of course there are a handful of new good friends that I've gotten acquainted with in the recent years.

And oh, how can I forget the fact that I met a boy named Han, who initially was a nice, shy guy friend (who've seen me rough it out playing soccer, pretty much impersonating a deranged, sweating gorilla in a state of panic) who somehow managed to make me fall for him when we decided to "pon" school at 8.23 am on a gorgeous Thursday morning over a year ago.... and who now has been sharing and exploring a romantic relationship with me for 14 months, 8 days ♥

It's been totally worth it.